Thursday, March 4, 2010

Extremes are always here. Always in me

"There are two sides to every story"

But in this case, there is a hundred and five.
It is my choice which ones I choose to listen to.
But I have no choice once I give in to listening.
Yet, and so far.

Signs are guiding me but i'm wondering if they should stop.
Energy is keeping me focused but I'm debating if it too is made up.
If everything of all advice has taught me,
is to believe in the Easter Bunny Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus
and really I've always been too sure they never never existed?
What is up with my imagination?
If I am so certain some things dont live,
can others just keep living peacefully?
for how long will I be able to cease?
Why is it platonic, what we have?
Why do I wish for it to be, when it is not?


I struggle, always between belief and non-belief.
and I find myself searching for (?)truth(?)
it is all I apparently need, is truth.
Suddenly, all I search for is truth. They taught me to believe in the Easter Bunny and I chose to believe in leprechauns.. I looked away from Santa's funny amusing saturated face in the beige sofa and looked out the window for owls. Owls with faces and those with theirs twisted around 340 degrees. And the black crows that made sounds like cats, and the pigeons that were underestimated.
Do they matter now or do they confuse you?
Does it matter, if I do not confuse myself? What if I take too much of your advice, what if I end up like you?
What if I have lied all the time, what if?
What if questions are too many. And what if thoughts are too processed.
They are, and instincts are always pushed away.
This is what I was taught, and I need to start choosing what to remember.
Choose what to certainly forget.
Or perhaps to throw in a sand bag while I'm in the basket of the hot air balloon.
And maybe I will find it on the ground.
I always knew I would find the needle in the haystack in the creepy terrible way.
I did and I will.

I search for imagination that no one has imagined before.
If this is a problem, I may choose to live with it.
But from your intensity I no longer want to hide.
but I do of course.
Anyway.
Of course I do!

It is always intense with me.
You may not know it, because you know not my mind.
One day you will, I'll make you know.
I'll have you handle it better than I can hold a newborn.

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